Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Killing Time

I'm sitting here at music school, and I'm tired. I received a text this morning as my alarm went off at 8am, moving up my starting time to 8:30 (from 9:15). Good thing I was planning on waking up then.

With a lack of other distractions lately, and the fact that it has finally started to act like winter, I've been hanging out chez moi a lot. I read the 2nd and 3rd Hunger Games books in 24 hours. Yesterday I finally swept the floor. Tomorrow I'm doing laundry (I went the entire month of January without doing any laundry except a small batch of hand washing). Life in Paris in the dead of winter is just not so exciting.

There has been a lot of unrest in the au pair community of late. The weather, the sick kids, the painful reality that we are glorified baby-sitters--these things are all taking their toll. I, for one, miss the autonomy of my previous lives. I am somewhat sick of responding to everyone's whims except my own. I want to be making the decisions, I want a real salary to spend how I see fit instead of watching it dwindle because I had to buy contact solution this week. Any purchase in Paris is a big purchase because it is such a giant percentage of what I make!

And what's more, I miss home. I love Paris, I really do. But I miss my mom and dad, I miss my dogs. I miss knowing where everything is in my grocery store, and I miss cheap group dinners. The unrest I feel is slippery and changing all the time. Some days I feel I could be happy with a permanently international life, but other days I cannot fathom always spending an arm and a leg just to go visit the people I love.

Dunno. Maybe it's just winter. But yesterday was the mark of 6 months left as an au pair. And while I'm not exactly counting down the days (seriously, I do love this city), I will say with certainty that I will not be staying as an au pair past my contract date, and I will not be sad when I'm finished. I'll always love the kids, as I have always loved the kids that came before, but I think this experience is better suited for shorter amounts of time.

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